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Combating Insecurity: Loving ourselves as we deserve to be loved!



Insecurity, a word that troubles us more than we know. There are many people who are tormented day to day by overwhelming thoughts of insecurity. Insecurity as many know it comes from experiences in life; relationships, experiences, self doubt, etc. These matters play a major role in our thoughts which then turns into the “inner critical voice,” as described by Dr. Lisa Firestone in the coauthored book Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice. Our inner voice manifests in our mind and can take negative control over our feelings of self worth.

As human beings, we are all built and function on emotion. As an individual who may be more sensitive emotionally, life happenings and negative circumstances can become a part of one's being. It can affect us physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Individuals then begin to live by the negativity that they have endured and start to believe the negative thoughts are simply a part of their lives with no way out. We start to believe the words that we hear from others such as, “you’re stupid, you will never amount to anything, it is your fault he/she gets upset.” As time goes on, our inner well being becomes weaker. We must not allow for these thoughts to become a part of our being. We have to learn to stand strong and fight against circumstances that come with everyday life. Insecurity is a very real problem that can continuously affect our self esteem in a negative way. Please know that there is help and ways to cope. Here are 3 ways to combat insecurity.


1. Evaluate your negative inner voice- One of the last things that we want to do when feeling insecure is to stand face to face with the negativity that we are feeling. Unfortunately, these thoughts can turn into a traffic jam of insecurities within our mind that never stop. It can be helpful to explore the insecure thoughts and combat them. This can be done by writing down the negative thoughts. Seeing them on paper and then processing through these thoughts can help separate true feelings from those that are pushed on you by others. This can be done on your own, but doing so with a counselor or therapist is helpful for processing.


2. Surround yourself with supportive people- There is no greater feeling than being around those who understand what you’re going through and will talk, listen, and support you through difficult times. Sometimes we push away these individuals not because it is intentional, but because we are overcome with emotion and distance ourselves. Try to find comfort in those who you do believe you can trust. This can be family members, church members, friends, and even animals. Look to surround yourself with happiness. Seek to change your negative picture- The outlook on self begins to change as insecurity grows. This can change the outlook that we see of our lives into a dark, negative picture.


3. Seek to change the picture once piece at a time like a puzzle. We can become very overwhelmed with this because we want to change everything at once which can sometimes add to the insecurity when it does not happen as quickly or how we would like it to. Start with one area or matter. If your own self reflection is affecting several aspects of life, start with the area within your control, set a goal, and create a plan.

Constance West, LPC


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